The Invisible Load of High-Performing Women

....and why it's crippling leadership and business performance.

If you’re here reading this, you’re probably the woman everyone leans on:

• At work, you’re the one who will get it done AND exceed expectations.
• At home, you’re the walking brain and heart of the whole operation.
• In WhatsApp chats, you’re the one people come to when sh*t hits the fan, the one who always offers to help at the next school fundraiser/xmas fair!
• You’re way past “busy”, you’re utterly exhausted by carrying the entire flipping ecosystem !

And as we crawl towards the end of the year, that invisible load quietly triples:

• Christmas presents, food, logistics, travel.
• Kids’ shows, school communications, costumes, clubs.
• Year-end numbers, team performance reviews, 2026 strategy.
• Family dramas, emotional management, “can you host Christmas again, you have the biggest dining table”.

You’re the architect, operations, emotional support and Chief Fire Fighter of everything for EVERYONE.

This article is for you.

The woman who loves Christmas and desperately wants to enjoy it, but is secretly already drowning in the craziness of it all!

WHAT IS THE “INVISIBLE LOAD”?

(It is NOT just housework and school drop offs!)

It’s the mental, emotional, logistical, and anticipatory labour   it takes to keep life, business, family and everyone else running like a perfectly oiled sausage making machine .

Researchers call it ‘cognitive household labour’ or ‘mental load’: the constant tracking, planning, remembering, and managing that makes everything work... and almost no one sees.

A 2024 University of Bath study found that mothers take on around 71% of all household mental load tasks ... from remembering appointments, noticing unsaid words, to carrying the emotional climate of the home.

And that’s just behind the scenes!

Zoom out :

Globally, women still spend 2.8 more hours per day than men on unpaid care and domestic work. [UN Womans data hub]

 In the UK, working-age women on average do 1.8 more hours of unpaid work per day than men, on top of only 1.5 fewer hours of paid work. [Institute for fiscal Stidies ]

TRANSLATION? 

Globally, women are working a “second shift”  the equivalent of 84 extra hours of unpaid labour every single month. That adds up to around six extra weeks of unpaid work every year, on top of their actual paid jobs. That’s a SECOND full time role,  that nobody acknowledges, appreciates or pays for.

And in the UK, that invisible load comes with a financial penalty: the more women do at home, the less time, energy, and opportunity they have for paid work. On average, women here lose 45 paid hours per month (i.e. an entire working week) simply because they are the ones absorbing the unpaid labour.

This isn’t always about choice. It’s not that women “decide” to work less. It’s that the system quietly assumes they will pick up the ‘slack’ and they’re penalised professionally for that unpaid contribution.

Women aren’t working less.  They’re working differently ...and getting penalised for it. Punished in many ways........ financially, progression, health, sleep, nervous system capacity, and personal identity.

They’re trying to do it all  and then wondering why they’re more exhausted, stretched and burnt out than the men they share a home or office with, so they work harder to prove themselves.

Corporate and entrepreneurial life were not built for women with children and full lives.

91% of women say they have experienced high or extreme stress in the past year, compared to 78% of men. [2023/24 Mental Health UK report]

A systematic review of “gendered mental labour” shows that women’s cognitive and emotional load is consistently higher, particularly for mothers,  and strongly linked to stress and depletion. [PMC]

Deloitte’s Women @ Work 2024 report found nearly 1 in 4 working women report feeling job burnout. Women have reported higher levels of burnout than men for years, and this gender gap has increased since the pandemic. [Forbes]

Then, add what’s happening at work itself:

Deloitte’s 2025 Global Human Capital Trends report found that about two-thirds of workers globally feel overwhelmed by how fast work is changing, and nearly half are worried the pace will leave them behind.

So, you’re not just leading teams or companies anymore. You’re leading in a world on fast-forward, with systems that still quietly assume there’s a full-time wife at home dealing with life.

THIS IS WHY YOU FEEL HOW YOU FEEL!

If you feel like you’re “not coping”,  it’s hardly surprising, to be honest very few leaders are.

You’re basically trying to operate three careers at once:

1.      Work

2.      Family, and

3.      The unpaid CEO role of absolutely everything else!

FAMOUS WOMEN CRACK TOO. 

Most of them just aren't brave enough to say it

When Jacinda Ardern stepped down as New Zealand’s Prime Minister, she said she “no longer had enough in the tank” to do the job the way it needed to be done. Her resignation lit up conversations worldwide about leadership, burnout and capacity.

I always thought she was a brilliant and very human leader (which is a key skill and will be even more so going forwards).  But when this happened, I loved her even more.

She was honest enough to say what most senior women never feel safe admitting:  “I'm done". Most female founders and senior women in male-dominated spaces never get that grace (neither do most men to be fare).

You’re expected to show up like a machine:

• present, prepared, high-achieving at work,
• calm, loving, emotionally available at home,
• and preferably still with your lippy on and looking good, while you do it.

No wonder so many high-performing women tell me, privately:

“Everyone thinks I’m so strong and successful. But I don’t know how much longer I can do this.... being a full time housewife sounds lovely”.

WHY THIS HITS HARDER IN DECEMBER

If there were a peak season for the invisible load of women, it’s now. December is a perfect storm:

• Year-end targets, meetings, client deadlines, cashflow.
• Social events you feel obligated to attend (or FOMO hits).
• Extra emotional labour: Who’s alone this Christmas? Who’s struggling? Who do we need to include?
• Family expectations, kids’ magic, school shows, last-minute costume emails, food, gifts, travel, relatives’ feelings…

 For ambitious women, December often simply means: MORE

· More home pressure, things to tie up at work, presents to buy,  shows to attend, socials to organise.

·         More fatty food (e.g. pastry filled things from Iceland?), caffeine and champagne.

· More adrenaline.

· More need for sheer willpower to get through it.

And then we wonder why so many end the year numb, resentful, ill, or quietly googling “burnout symptoms” in the middle of the night when they can’t sleep.

WHAT THIS IS REALLY ABOUT ....

Here’s the part where most generic “coaches” would tell you to:

• outsource the cleaning,
• batch-cook on Sundays,
• say no more often,
• time-block your diary.

You’ve already tried all that, or have at least tried!  But the invisible load isn’t just about tasks, it's much deeper than that.

It’s about IDENTITY,  ENERGY and the way you measure SUCCESS

Most of the women I work with were trained (consciously or unconsciously) to believe:

• “If I’m not available, things won’t happen. I have to be ‘on it’ and keep going.”
• “If I slow down, I’ll lose momentum or be overtaken.”
• “People admire me because I’m strong. If I stop coping… I’ll be seen as soft/weak’
• “People depend on me. That’s the price of being a successful working mum”
• “Asking for help isn’t the problem, it’s having the brain space to know what to ask for “

Those beliefs might have helped you survive earlier chapters of life. BUT they will not help you in this chapter, or the next, and they certainly won’t bring you the success or happiness you crave in both business AND life.

This chapter is about YOU.

YOU need to step up. And to do that its about focusing on YOU.

 You’re not a by stander anymore. You’re a founder, leader, executive, decision-maker, mother, partner, friend, daughter.

You cannot keep operating as if your energy, health and sanity are an infinite resource.

They are not!

THE ANSWER

In my world, we look at leadership AND life, through what I call the Success Triangle. It has 4 core pillars of which you have to master before you reach your full potential as an exceptional leader (at work or home) and leave a strong legacy full of happiness, joy and abundance :

1. Self – your inner world: identity, energy, beliefs, emotions, strengths.
2. Energy – physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health
3. Relationships – Connections with yourself, your intimate partner, kids, family, friendships, team, clients.
4. Business – your work: leadership, goals, vision, money, growth.

(Find out more about the success Triangle here)

Most high-achieving leaders I meet have built one over-developed pillar which is rock solid.  The rest = struggling:

• Business : rock solid.
• Relationships: you’re holding them together – just!
• Energy: Depleted
• Self: not knowing who on earth you are anymore or what you even want

 If you relate to this, it’s time to work on the first 3 pillars of the success triangle. If not, 2026 is going to be exactly the same (if not worse) than the last few years!

I’m not here to tell you to drop everything and move to Bali and pray to the moon.

 I’m here to tell you (as a leader, not a martyr) it’s time to work on YOU, as the unique and incredible human you are.  It’s time to integrate work AND life and the person you want to be.

It's time to reduce the invisible load for women (and some men) by talking about it, owning it and reducing it!

WHY THIS IS A LEADERSHIP ISSUE

The invisible load of high-performing women is not a “mum problem” or a “time management problem” or a “sssshhhh there’s no place for this kind of talk in the board room” issue.

It’s a LEADESHIP issue. It affects everyone and everything. It affects people AND businesses around the world.  It affects YOU, YOUR family, YOUR work, YOUR business.

The women I work with are some of the most capable, intelligent, driven humans on the planet. Female founders and senior women often in male-dominated environments who:

• want power AND peace,
• money AND motherhood,
• ambition AND presence,
• impact AND intimacy.

Women who want to be able to say, “I’m ambitious AND I’m a brilliant mum… and I refuse to choose between the two.”“I’m ambitious AND I’m a brilliant mum… and I refuse to choose between the two.”I'm 

SO, WHAT NOW?

This article is a way of shouting out to all the women out there who internally feel a bit broken. I hear you. I see you. I understand you. I was you.

If you’ve got this far you’ll now understand that you aren’t going mad.  You aren’t failing.

You feel how you feel and have every right to feel it.  Things aren’t set up for us – yet!  Women’s empowerment has been amazing and given us choices but the rest of the world simply hasn’t caught up yet. Business hasn’t caught up with us yet.

Hopefully they will  soon.

In the meantime:

·         If you are a women (or simple relate to this article), please give yourself some grace.  Talk to your partner to help them understand what’s really going on (they aren’t being an unloving, unappreciative 4ss, they just don’t understand)

·         If you are a partner, please read this article again to help you understand what’s going on behind the scene so you can help your wife/daughter/Mum/team 

·         If you’re a CEO, Leader, HRD please take this into consideration within your company culture for 2026. (I can help you with that)

 For today, just start here:

1. Identify your invisible load.

Notice your reaction to this article. Write it down. All of it. Get it out.  See on paper.  Share it.

2. Ask: Do I want 2026 to be the same or is change needed?

For you, be honest with yourself.  For someone else, how can you help the invisible load for your wife/partner/team/company? Acknowledge that. Define it.

3. Decide to take ownership: 

What will you do about it. Action it!

When the invisible load is recognised and reduced, it helps everyone: women; men; children; families; businesses; economies.

 Be aware of this during the lead up to Christmas so EVERYONE can enjoy it.

IF THIS spoke to you a leader, parent, human…

• Please share it with the people in your world
• Use it as a conversation starter with your partner, your clients, or team.
• And if you’re done carrying this alone and want support recalibrating your own Success Triangle for 2026, you know where to find me:

[email protected] www.strongerinsideandout.co.uk